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Leno Jokes

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The weeks Late Night Guests [Aug. 15th, 2006|09:48 am]
Leno Jokes

Monday, August 14
David Letterman: Samuel L. Jackson, Gnarls Barkley
Jay Leno: Will Ferrell, Abigail Breslin, Everclear (R 7/27/06)
Late Late Show: Chi McBride, Lili Taylor, Nick Lachey
Conan O'Brien: Barbara Walters, Bill Hader, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (R 12/16/05)
Last Call: Anna Paquin, Matchbook Romance (R 5/24/06)
Daily Show: Thomas Ricks
Jimmy Kimmel: Matt Dillon, Justin Long, Ziggy Marley

Tuesday, August 15
David Letterman: Hilary Duff, Jason Randal, Dirty Pretty Things
Jay Leno: John C. Reilly, Christina Milian, Pharrell (R 7/26/06)
Late Late Show: Matt Dillon, Padma Lakshmi, Paula DeAnda featuring Baby Bash
Conan O'Brien: Harrison Ford, Amy Adams, K.T. Tunstall (R 2/7/06)
Last Call: Sarah Wynter, Joe DeRosa (R 6/14/06)
Daily Show: Samuel L. Jackson
Colbert Report: David Gergen
Jimmy Kimmel: Jonathan Winters, Kenan Thompson, Against Me!

Wednesday, August 16
David Letterman: Jessica Biel, Christina Aguilera
Jay Leno: Owen Wilson, Lance Armstrong, Chris Isaak (R 7/11/06)
Late Late Show: Alice Cooper, Penelope Ann Miller
Conan O'Brien: Rachel Weisz, Paul Bettany, Graham Bensinger (R 2/10/06)
Last Call: The Game (R 6/22/06)
Daily Show: Thomas Kean
Colbert Report: Morgan Spurlock
Jimmy Kimmel: Paul Reubens, snake handler Jules Sylvester, Obie Trice

Thursday, August 17
David Letterman: Fatboy Slim
Jay Leno: Kate Hudson, Kevin Smith, Soul Asylum (R 7/10/06)
Late Late Show: Jane Kaczmarek, Esai Morales, Larke Miller
Conan O'Brien: Bruce Willis, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Dropkick Murphys (R 2/28/06)
Last Call: Dave Navarrro, the Duke Spirit (R 6/28/06)
Daily Show: Matt Dillon
Colbert Report: Neil Young
Jimmy Kimmel: Rerun TBA

Friday, August 18
David Letterman: Edward Norton, Greg Fitzsimmons
Jay Leno: Wanda Sykes, Kevin Connolly, the Fray (R 7/19/06)
Late Late Show: Toni Collette, Joe Theismann, Lawrence Block
Conan O'Brien: Gisele Bundchen, Bill Bellamy, Belle and Sebastian (R 3/1/06)
Last Call: Molly Sims, Anna Faris, Andrew Donnelly, Feist (6/14/06)
Jimmy Kimmel: Samuel L. Jackson, Elisha Cuthbert, Cobra Starship
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Late Night - 08/10/06 [Aug. 12th, 2006|11:44 am]
Leno Jokes

Jay Leno
"U.S. and British authorities foiled a terrorist plot. The plan was to blow up planes in mid air. How frightening is that? That makes flying almost as dangerous as Amtrak." - Jay Leno

"Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie?" - Jay Leno

"British authorities said they were able to detect the terrorist plot using a surveillance program that the New York Times hadn't got around to exposing yet." - Jay Leno

"They're not letting people on planes anymore with liquids or beverages of any kind. That's why there are these huge delays. The pilots are hanging around the gate chugging their beers. … In fact in London you can't even bring toothpaste on the plane, which I guess for the English is not that big a problem. … You can't bring hair gel. How is Al Sharpton going to fly?" - Jay Leno

"As you know, President Bush is on his summer vacation. Take a break.there was a creepy moment for President Bush today at his Texas ranch. He was clearing away some brush when he suddenly came face-to-face with George Michael and a truck driver. Frightening moment. - Jay Leno

"As you know, President Bush is on a 10-day vacation. Congress is on a month vacation - and Joe Lieberman is on a permanent vacation." - Jay Leno

"Interesting fact about Joe Lieberman. Did you know that his father owned a liquor store? In fact, that how they first met the Kennedy's." - Jay Leno

"Apparently the Dixie Chicks had to cancel 14 shows on their tour, because of slow ticket sales. There's some concern they're losing their fan base. How ironic is that? They finally have something in common with President Bush." - Jay Leno

CBS reporter Mike Wallace has scored an exclusive interview with the Iranian president. I don’t want to say that Mike Wallace is old but the last time he interviewed the leader of Iran it was Ali Babba. - Jay Leno

"Sports Illustrated” reports there is a new Olympic sport-open water swimming where you swim over 10,000 meters in the ocean. Gee, what do you think the Cubans are going to win this one. Gold medals all around. - Jay Leno

Conan O'Brien
"Security is going to be much tighter at the airports now. Because of the terrorist plot, airport officials are confiscating all shampoos and hair gels. In other words, Ryan Seacret is grounded." - Conan O'Brien

"President Bush, of course, is responding to the crisis. He's on vacation. That's his plan. He'll show them ... President Bush is on vacation in Texas right now. This is true. He's urging his staff to join the 100-degree club by running three miles in 100-degree heat. Experts say it's proof that the president an come up with a bad idea at any level." - Conan O'Brien
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(no subject) [Aug. 11th, 2006|08:14 am]
Leno Jokes

Iran announced today that it cloned a sheep. They plan to use the sheep to pull the wool over the U.N.'s eyes. - Leno (8/10/06)
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